The truth is, Christianity has been something I always overlooked because I saw it phony and as if everyone was just too happy. I did not like the fact that there were rules, such as being “allowed” to eat the crackers and drink the wine. This may sound foolish and ignorant and the only reason I had this preconception is for numerous reasons. I always remember being bitter watching my whole family and just about everyone in church (including little children) partaking in communion, while I was not allowed to. To this day, I still do not understand why I cannot partake in this ritual, but I hope to one day figure that out.
Another reason I did not care much for going to church was because it was early in the morning and I felt forced to be there, when I really did not want to be. Truthfully thinking back on it, I cannot even recall a single time, in which I attentively listened to a single sermon. At church, I would always daydream and think about anything just to pass time. I didn’t really want to be there and I thought most of the things were over my head.
Once I moved away from home, I remember telling myself…know I can go out and find my own church. After getting settled in at my new town of Santa Barbara I thought about finding a church, but whenever these thoughts came to mind, I would say “next week.” When the time came around, it had already been out of my mind because I was having too much fun and life was good so why would I need god. This is a misconception many people have in this world, including myself. People only turn to god when they need something, when they are in trouble or are feeling down. I say this, because I am that person.
When life is going good, there are no problems and you are getting everything you have ever wanted what good what God do for you? Because I pray so infrequently, I always have a sense of guilt whenever I do pray. This is because the only times I find myself praying are when I need something, want something or am feeling down. Even more shameful, is the fact that when I pray often will make a promise that I will go to church if he answers my prayer. It embarrasses me to even think or write this information down, but I am disclosing this confidential matter to be honest with myself. I feel as though I am not alone. I think there are a lot of people like myself who only pray to god in hopes of something. This can often times be disappointing because that wish or request may not come true, which can make these people believe that god must not exist.
In December of 2008 I accomplished one of my lifetime goals- graduating from a UC. It wasn’t UCLA which I had long dreamt about, but I feel as though UCSB was a better choice anyway. Unfortunately I graduated in the probably the worst time to graduate college since 1929. My parents were so gracious to help me out by offering me a proposal. They were going to give me an incentive if I was active in the church community. So I thought to myself, go to church and get paid? Sounds like a good deal to me. But I really did want to take this idea into consideration and really think about if I WANTED to actually do that. At my initial thought to this idea, I said to myself “ok so I can just spare two hours every Sunday and just rough it out and get some extra cash to pay rent.” But after really thinking about it in depth, I realistically would never have the will power to use my parents’ hard earned money without fulfilling their end of the bargain. I know how important god is in my parent’s lives and I could not accept this offer unless I was going repay them with what they had asked for. Growing up, I had always seen how much god affected them in their daily life. During my adolescent I had gone through phases of their different techniques and incentives in hopes of getting me more involved with god. When I was younger, it was a breakfast incentive. Either we would go out for a nice breakfast or we would have a breakfast in our warm bathroom before school while having a bible study. After coming back to home, shortly after the New Year (2009) I realized this was another one of their incentives. Now that I am older and more self efficient I contemplated this offer and many thoughts came to mind. The fact that my parents would graciously offer me money to attend church shed light on new possibilities for me. It was at this time that I realized maybe this church stuff is for real. I realized my parents were willing to do anything to see me at least just give this religion stuff a chance.
This was a unique experience for me. For the first time in my life, I was ready to open the doors to new possibilities and to give religion a chance for once. My whole life, I had put church on the back burner and said to myself ill go next week. I was ready to be proactive for once and excited to choose MY own church. I came to realize that maybe I was being stubborn with god. I have felt like I could not click with roommates, church mates or even groups of different friends. Maybe god was just another person I felt like I had nothing in common with. As I sit and write my church history down, I am highly anticipating finding MY own church, meeting new friends and ultimately hoping to develop a new everlasting bond and relationship with the lord Jesus.
Finding a Church
http://www.westmont.edu/_offices/campus_pastor/churches.html
Here on this list, includes just about every church listed in the SB County and gives pretty detailed information, including the college group option that I was inquiring about. As I was browsing through the lists, I found my self quite confused as to what church I wanted to pursue. I noticed eventually that they were categorized by denominations. I was shocked as too how many different types of churches there were, but remembered that we generally attended non-denominational churches. After browsing through the various churches’ websites, I decided to go with Santa Barbara Community Church. This church seemed like it had potential and it was even offering a free guitar class for beginners on Tuesday. (ended up being full! ) I decided it would be best to try this one out for a month, if I don’t like it, move on to another one.
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